The beginning

For a long time, I wasn't really 'hooked' on bouldering. I would go twice a year, tagging along with colleagues and friends. As a one-off activity, it was fine, but I didn’t feel it was something I would enjoy much. Then, one day, it just clicked.

Labeled ‘V2’, I was such a novice that I wasn't even going to attempt it. But they nudged me, so I reluctantly had a go. It had an interesting start, requiring you to heel hook and use that leverage to stand up and reach the next hold. When I tried it, it seemed impossible to proceed. I could place my heel on the hold, but didn't know what to do next. Then this guy showed me how to 'unbend' the other leg and shift my body weight to the left. It was a change that required no strength, just an understanding of the problem. Making that change was physically easy, yet completely effective in changing my reach to the next hold.

So it wasn't about my strength or height! It felt like unlocking something – the feeling of making something possible that seemed impossible before. I discovered the joy of focusing more on my body position in detail. Looking back, I realise I never paid so much attention to my body in my adult years – I just treated it as a vessel to carry my organs. Mindful proprioception. Observing those little details was incredibly fun and engaging.

We tend to over-emphasize the impact of a single event, but I can say this was one of the decisive moments that hooked me into bouldering. That ‘Aha’ moment was wonderful enough that it led me to sign up for a monthly membership at my local climbing center.

Hello fear my old friend

There's a unique quality in bouldering. From the very beginning, even at a beginner level, you're faced with the challenge of overcoming fear. In other sports I've mildly enjoyed - such as tennis, badminton, or squash - especially at a non-competitive amateur level, it's unlikely that you'll have to push yourself to overcome fear.

Often on boulders, I've halted mid-route thinking, 'Okay I’m scared I want to stop.' It's unsettling to trust your body on a tiny, untested hold. But over time, you hopefully learn that the hold can be reliable, and if you fall, it's not the end of the world. Unless you're unlucky, you'll most likely end up with some stretches and bruises. In some unfortunate cases, you might sustain ligament injuries or shoulder dislocations, but hey, that hasn't stopped these people from trying again. You start to normalize that it's okay.¹

Paradoxically, stepping into something that both your mind and body resist and overriding it with your executive decision² is very rewarding. That said, the process of overcoming isn't always beautifully calm, at least for me - it feels like there’s a great contradiction in what your mind dictates, and as soon as one side shows weakness, the other side swiftly exploits the momentum and takes it over.

Fear is an interesting feeling. When I was younger, I was known for trying things somewhat 'bravely'(recklessly). This perception, I think, partly comes from my mother, who is generally quite cautious compared to me. I remember often thinking, 'That’s not going to kill me, so it’s fine.'

When I came to the UK, I think I was exercising that part of my mind. As risky as it was, it also drove me to try hard. Now, securely settled in the UK with a stable job, there aren't many areas in my life where I risk something valuable. My life is cushioned now - it's been a while since I've relied on chances. I want to continue going on adventures and make myself wonder. There's a sense of joy that comes with fear - when you try to overcome your fears, you realize you really want the direction of what you’re doing - it's almost synonymous with ‘love’.

Logs (2023 – )

2023 End of October

I joined Castle monthly membership. I am a novice, I can do V1 but some of the overhang V1-2 green at Castle feels very hard for me.

2023 Mid December

I've embarked on challenges I wouldn't have dared a month ago. This journey has left me with numerous scratches, peeled skin on my fingers, and bruises. However, these are mere tokens compared to what I've gained: a palpable sense of progress, increased core and arm strength, new friendships, and a renewed sense of purpose. My life, therefore, feels substantially better than before I got into bouldering.

2024 Beginning of February

It’s been 3 months since I regularly climbed. I can now climb V3, and some of V3-4 and V4 slabs. I can even do pull-ups 3 times in a row. My forearms got bigger and more muscley than before - it’s really funny to see how they are growing horizontally. It’s a bit of a shame that this month I need to take a break for more than 2 weeks because of my upcoming operation - I will definitely miss climbing!

2024 May in Korea

In castle, I mostly complete V3-4 blue boulders. I'm going to the Rocktree climbing centre in Bundang, and although the route setting is not my favourite, I'm happy that I can continue. I can do their mid range quite easily, I think the routes are more suited for short(!) Asian heights. The other day, I've tried a dyno start which was quite fun. It feels very risky and odd before getting used to it, but once commited it feels like 'Of course this works!'.

2024 End of July

I sent my first V5 today! I haven't been sleeping well lately because of my period, and I was super tired. I thought today's session wasn't going to go well until I randomly picked that blue Do Re Mi boulder again. For some reason, that route felt so smooth until the last part. It took weeks to really get to the first and middle parts, and for the last move, I managed to commit! This is such a great feeling. I feel like it's becoming rarer to have this kind of feeling as I get older, so I'm cherishing it a lot.

The last move though – I truly don't know what made me commit to it until I actually did it. My mind was hesitant, and it could have gone completely the other way. It almost feels magical. Until the last moment, I wasn't committed and didn't know what was going to happen. (This is sort of related to this book called "Determined" by Robert Sapolsky that I'm currently reading.)

Lesson learned today is that even when I'm tired or feeling rubbish, not everything will go south!

My footwork is getting better as well with this footwork section. It's very rewarding to see something in my life keep progressing. I'm gaining a better understanding of how things work, becoming more confident in my movements – this really is an endless gift that keeps on giving. And the side effect of that is that I become more engaged, healthier, and happier after all. I guess I'll take this.

Bonus of the day was watching the Korean women's team winning the 10th consecutive gold medal in the Olympics. Yay!

2024 Mid August

Two V5s today. I don’t know how this is happening! To be fair, this purple slab was a bit soft (although I think if I hadn’t done the footwork thingy I wouldn’t have managed and I earned 3 scratches). But the other monkey blue one, that was some proper combination of body positioning and strength! I was on it with a wrong leg, changing the last foot for the right was the key. For some reason I always go with the left foot on a tiny hold, not sure why. It was nice to wrap up that black v4 for standing up too! Suddenly it feels like possibilities are being unlocked.

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1. Provided there's a good crash mat!
2. Thank you, prefrontal cortex - I wonder why kids are so good at overcoming fear, though. They don't have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, right? Maybe they have an underdeveloped risk assessment?